To Miss A Love . . .
Everyday, I think of you.Even if I don't say your names aloud, the whisper of them lies in my heart.There's no way anyone can possibly know how much I think of you. How often your names enter my mind...
View ArticleMending Is Never Ending
For five days, those five days between that fateful appointment and the day that held the confirmed diagnosis, were the longest five days of my life.For five days, I prayed - demanded really - that He...
View ArticleWhen Reality Becomes Real
This whole pregnancy I have been guarded. I have been reserved. I have been slow to move forward with any planning or preparation for this baby.That is so unlike me.Others have shown and expressed more...
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Rainbows
I never knew there was a name for a baby that was conceived after the loss or death of the baby that came before them.There were a lot of things I never knew before my sweet Emmerson and Vivienne lived...
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He Matters Too
I saw it. I heard it.All those hushed questions, how is she doing? is she doing any better?It hurt me. Why wasn't anyone asking him how he was doing?Why was everyone so concerned about my mental and...
View ArticleDoes He Know?
I was sixteen when that boy-man became a close, trusted friend.I was eighteen when I started to fall.I was twenty-one when I promised forever.Twelve years later and we are still holding on to each...
View ArticleMy Promise
Emmerson and Vivienne,Today is a day where you are remembered. October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. A day where women who have lost pregnancies, have given birth to sleeping babies...
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He Is Here!
Nathaniel StephenOctober 5, 2012 @ 2:39 pm5 pounds 15 onces 18 inchesHe is here! There is no way I could have been prepared for the moment and the emotions.So much of this pregnancy was consumed with...
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Moments
Life is full of moments.Moments . . .. . . So big . . . So full . . . So fleeting.All precious in their own unique design.Some of those moments I let slip right through my finger tips when we brought...
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An Overflowing Breaking Heart
I have been busy - having a new baby will do that. It's left me with little time to do much else. I'm not complaining. I'm trying to enjoy every second. Even those where I need toothpicks to hold up...
View ArticleAnother Ordinary Day
Inhale.Exhale.The heart pumps with each contraction.I've been there. I may not have been standing outside a school waiting . . . hoping . . . praying that my child would walk out but I have been there....
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Light Slices Through The Darkness
My Mother-In-Law handed me the piece of paper that held the darkest of black ink. I never finished reading all the words. I read the names of myself and my husband and then the names of my sweet Emmy...
View ArticleA Promise To My Daughter
We are in the trenches of what is known as the wonderful three's.I've been getting frustrated, exhausted and hopeless when it comes to some of the behavior my daughter expresses.I love her to pieces...
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What You Need
I didn't want to be pregnant again. I wasn't ready for it. I don't know if I ever would have been.I was terrified of being pregnant. It wasn't the bliss it had been. I walked in a cloud of fearful...
View ArticleI Am Not Hopeless
There is darkness that overcomes and overwhelms.There is darkness that consumes.Darkness can descend in many ways.It can leave hopelessness and despair in its wake.I have two little girls whom I will...
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Grace Is Greater
I thought and was lead to believe that those who gave in and gave up didn't stand a chance.We weigh sins and then we place them in order from least to greatest. When in reality, they all weigh the...
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It Is Okay
They say time heals all wounds.It doesn't.I don't know who they are but they have never been more wrong.Some moments . . . some days it is unfathomable to me that this hurt is with me until my last...
View ArticleDreams Are Still Memories
There are some memories that never got a chance to be played in real-time . . . only thought up in my head in played in my heart.There are those memories - real memories - of the morning we found out...
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To Age Is To Be Beautiful
I'm really starting to feel the effects of aging. I don't know if it's due to the littles I am caring for and the energy and time they consume, if it's from everything that these last two years have...
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Slowly, Ever Slowly
You, the one sitting stone still, staring at nothing . . .You, the one who feels like you have aged a 100 years . . .You, the one with swollen, red eyes . . .You, the one who wonders if you will ever...
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A Million Pieces
Enjoy it. It goes so fast . . .The smile that could give way to the quiver of the lips and the smiling eyes belying the grief of a time gone by. I believe its more of a statement uttered in disbelief,...
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When Your Baby Dies
When you lose a baby . . .You don't lose a baby.You lose your car keys, one sock to complete a pair, a tube of lip gloss. You don'tlose a baby.Your baby dies.When your baby dies you lose a huge chunk...
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You Surprised Me
Those muscles fibers pulled tight in the middle of the night and I thought if I sipped water, repositioned, let the magic of water relax as it flowed, those fibers would let go.For twelve hours I tried...
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Ask What . . .
My fists had pounded that table with each anguished why that cried.Why? Why? Why?Why! Why! Why!Those arms that ached with the heaviness of emptiness was a visceral pain.All that pain gets clinched up,...
View ArticleAgain
It was the looking back in wonderment of the time that was . . . disbelieving that all those days unfolded into years and those years signifying a time that had passed. And anyone who has lived some...
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